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WAITING FOR THE MORNING
I sat in my brand-new apartment with the blinds closed and tears streaming down my face. It seemed that in the past month my tears had been flowing from an endless reservoir that, despite my best efforts, could not be dammed up. Shame filled me as I cried, and I wondered what kind of man I was because of my endless tears. This shame caused the deep sadness and despair within me to rise up even higher, and the weight of all my emotions made it unbearably hard to push forward.
Over the past few months, my emotions had taken a beating. It felt like day after day I was fighting battles which left me wounded and weak. I felt like I was failing at every turn. Relationships that meant the world to me were crumbling all around me. My aspirations were turning to dust. I was failing to uphold standards and responsibilities despite my best efforts. My car was breaking down every other day (literally), and to top it all off, I was in the final stage of transitioning out of the military, which hurt a lot more than I expected.
For the sake of the others involved, I will not give details, but in the moment, it felt like my life was a dumpster fire, and I was at risk of burning everyone around me. The life that I had imagined for myself had gone up in flames, and I was left in the ashes of my plans. I was at one of the lowest points of my life. The enemy seized each opportunity presented to him and attacked me, taking my eyes off of the truth, and blinding me to the reality of my situation. My problems were not as large as I was allowing the enemy to make them.
I was brought to my knees, and couldn’t move forward, but what the enemy failed to realize is that when he knocked me to the ground, he put me in the perfect position to pray. Through my tears I let out weak prayers and waited on the Lord, and for a little while He let me sit in the trials of my own making. He let me sit in the ashes so I could realize that everything that I had tried to build by myself was brought down around me.
He heard me in my pain however and wiped away every tear. He chose to honor every weak prayer and rewarded my patience with peace. The Lord was with me in the shadows, and He never left my side. That is the promise that we all have. When we patiently await the Lord, He will minister to us and deliver us. Maybe the circumstances of our lives wont change, but we can have peace knowing the the Lord of the heavens will nourish our weary souls.
1 I waited patiently for the LORD.
He inclined to me and heard my cry.
2He lifted me up from the pit of despair,
out of the miry clay.
He set my feet upon a rock,
and made my footsteps firm.
(Psalm 40:1-2)
If we wait patiently for the Lord, He is not deaf to our cries, but He hears us and gives us strength. Our trials and tribulations do not mean our God has abandoned us, but rather they are an opportunity for us to look to Him and expectantly await His deliverance. It is easy to want to question His will, and to ask why He would allow us to undergo our troubles, but the proper response in the midst of turmoil is to humble ourselves and praise the Lord.
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7) Our anxieties and worries avail to nothing, but our prayers are each sent to the Lord with the promise that not only will they be heard, but they will be answered. The Lord will answer you and He will guard your heart from the tribulation you are undergoing.
Choose to meditate on the goodness of God. The light of God outshines every dark moment we undergo, and if we would just lift our eyes a little, we would see the light rather than the darkness. If we can just keep our eyes on Him and take our hand out of the burning wreckage of our lives, we will be able to recognize His goodness and avoid burning ourselves any further.
Be patient. You do not have to fix every little problem in your life. You need to trust that the Lord will move. The hardest thing that we are called to do as Christians is to wait on the Lord and trust in Him to care for us. We want our hands to be in every situation, but the Lord has called us to step back so He can step in. You are not in control, but that is a great thing, because the one who is in control is way better at fixing the problems that we create.
If you are in the midst of desperation, I encourage you not to keep your eyes on your tribulations, but to patiently await the Lord, and listen for His guidance. Let the Lord do His work in your life and trust that He will not leave you. You belong to Him and He adores you.